I Miss My Old Self, My Journey From Then to Now

Reading Time: 5 minutes

I miss my old self, so passionate, so talkative. I miss my old self, so determined to do everything. Why won’t I miss my old self? He was brilliant in everything.

From studies to hobbies, he maintained everything. Whether it was playing cricket and table tennis or solving that Circle theorem on the board, he was brilliant. Can he boast about solving math books before time, to find errors in questions, and the toughest questions, to challenge the teachers? Not to brag, but my old self was better than yours. 

Simplicity and Innocence

Life was so simple back then. Get up early in the morning, complete the unfinished homework, eat some lunch, and head straight for the school bus. School time was 9 am to 4 pm, just like office time. Everything was structured, no plans for anything. Head to the school, sit inside the class, and learn for 8 straight periods. How can I forget, “ GOOD MORNING SIR/MA’AM” AND “THANK YOU SIR/MA’AM FOR TEACHING US VERY VERY ..” Those homework used to be trouble back then, but now it’s just memories. It’s the past that can never be lived again. At that time, I thought, “I wish I were an adult soon”. I was so wrong.

I don’t despise my current self, but truly I miss my old self.

Innocence is very common for kids. I, too, was very innocent. Ohh, sorry, “ I am very innocent”. Little cringy acts just to impress parents, saving up money to enjoy the canteen’s momo. Yes, that momo was damn tasty, I still miss the taste of our canteen’s momo. Troubling teachers finding the toughest questions in the book, just to impress them, how brilliant I was. Doesn’t this fall under innocence? Competing with friends and teachers to find the toughest and error-filled questions? 

A Boy Once Full of Passions

Utsab, such a sweet boy. My mom used to say. I used to be the one who found joy in little things. Complex math problems excited me. Those were not problems but puzzles for me, and by solving them, I felt so smart. I used to spend hours on the cricket field(gully), running from goal post to goal post with full energy, or just playing table tennis with my friends. Everyone calls them hobbies, but these were parts of me. Now the bat is broken, the football is deflated, and math just feels like a chore rather than my interest.

Extrovert to Introvert

I used to be loud and talkative in a room full of people. I talked freely and easily connected with the people. This boy used to find strangers of my age to make friends at parties and gatherings. Turning strangers into friends was my specialty. Now, I find myself in silence all the time. Big crowds exhaust me. I choose loneliness over gatherings. I don’t hate people, I just feel tired of making friends over and over again.

My Old Self Who Treasured The Relationships

Relationships, my emotional thread. Friendships and family ties once mattered to me the most. I valued relationships deeply. I held them close. Now, I don’t chase connections like I used to. Maybe it’s disappointment or just fatigue. Or maybe it’s just the time. I drifted away from the people I once cared a lot about. I no longer feel the urge to hold everyone like before.

Not Ready For This Much Change

How can I forget the year 2020? The lockdown changed a lot of different things, which I wasn’t ready for. I just stayed stuck in that same year of lockdown. Time moved so fast, I got left behind. My old, same mindset held me back. As Dr Carol S. Dweck explains in her book Mindset, two types of mindsets shape our minds. The Fixed mindset and the Growth mindset. I refused to change my mindset, now stuck in the same old “fixed mindset”. I hoped things would go normal, but normal never returned. Now I am still trying to catch up.

What-Ifs and Regrets From My Old Self

Old memories are nostalgic but sometimes carry regrets. Sometimes, I think back to instances where I could have done more, tried even harder. Opportunities don’t always come ringing the bell. I missed my chances to express myself more. Maybe I didn’t believe in myself enough or just ignored them, but I missed the chance. Now, I am here with What-ifs and regrets. What if I could have chosen a different path? What if I paid more attention to my studies? And what if I followed my passion?

Voices That Miss Their Old Self

I miss those days, when I was a bright student, the teachers’ favorite, and parents’ hope. I used to be an example for the kids around me. My discipline, my wellness, my talent, and my innocence. I still wish I could have a time machine to go back in time and live that life. It was my happiest time. But now, an average student, mentally-retarded, and a wasted talent. A lot changed with time. Sometimes bad sometimes fate, the flow of our life changes. Nothing is permanent. But still, we can do is try being a good person every day better than yesterday. We can’t bring back the time but we can bring the wellness that we should have.

– Spandan Pokhrel(Student),19

I miss the simpler, more innocent and naive version of myself that was free from the responsibilities I currently carry. Back then, life seemed lighter and more peaceful. I wasn’t always concerned about the future, trying to live up to my family’s expectations, or trying to prove myself. I could laugh freely, imagine fearlessly, and savor little pleasures without over analyzing. There was a beautiful sense of freedom in living in the present, not knowing too much, and not worrying about the future. That carefree me now seems like a distant memory, and sometimes I wish I could travel back in time, even for a moment, to relive that calmness, simplicity and tranquility.

– Bishal Phulara(Student),21

Beyond The Old Self

Missing my old self isn’t just about nostalgia and regrets. It’s about realizing the parts of myself I once valued, the connections I faded, the change in me with time. This is the journey of life. Time passes, so does this present. Everything we are left with is a handful of memories. This is the journey of life. The real journey isn’t going back in time but accepting who you are and moving forward with it. This is what growth means. Realize your past self, recognize your mistakes, and improve on yourself. Learn from every instance of life. Learn from everyone you meet. Value the people you care for.

I may miss my old me, but I am learning to honor who I was and growing into who I am meant to be.

I myself understood the real journey of life. It was never about going into my past self. It’s about understanding who I was and accepting who I have become. And choosing who I want to be next. Once I realized this, I just felt alive and reborn. The qualities I possess aren’t my weaknesses; rather, they are my strengths in improving myself.

Readers look back into your past self, learn from it, and grow significantly. Nothing feels better than self-growth.

For more articles from this author, visit: Utsab Bhandari