Wednesday, November 6, 2024
Falling out of love: Was it the end of my relationship?
Love is different for all, and especially for the different generations. While the ones who have seen the world believed in compromising, the newer generation believes in the mutual-respect. But how much different is the reason, action, and reaction for falling out of love among these generations? Is falling out of love the end? To talk on this, we have two stories, two generations, but answer to one—is falling out of love the end?
“I faced an agonizing choice: my family or her,” Pashupati Thakuri sobbed. The question hit hard when he had to answer why he was falling out of love, but the irony that he couldn’t fathom a life without her today.
Observing such intense love in old age, it’s difficult to comprehend that they were almost separated. A passerby might even covet their love that looks like it was always on such a consistent level but the reality is far from it.
Navigating through life with divorce, and that too with a child, they now share a nickname-based relationship. “Kanchhi,” he calls her from the kitchen, and she replies, “What is it, Raja?” It is a wonderful part of love and life to explore in a relationship similar to Kanchhi and Raja.
If you wonder too much, the term “love” seems complex. And when various factors start influencing your love, including people or unmet expectations, perspective changes. While you start seeing the flaws, you delve deep within so much that the doubts creep into your head, love cracks, and then slowly you feel like you are starting to fall out of love. Only a few stay back to amend, and this couple from a generation of “sukka” and “paisa” is a story to remember during the lows of a relationship.
Peeking into the Raja Kanchhi Love Story
Kanchhi was my beloved from the childhood. From same neighborhood at that. Since then, we were in love. At least I was. But we drifted apart, married other people. We were out of touch but lord knew what he was doing anyway. We both became divorcees tangled in our own problems with no one to support. Then one day she called me asking for help, and everything is a memory that I hold dear since then.
Pashupati Thakuri, 64
He choked on his tears as he spoke. His love today was so sure, just like the time back then when he first fell in love.
Falling out of Love- Why it happened?
When falling in love, everything feels euphoric. The older generation says it is all the youthful lust to blame. But love is more than lust, it is about the concern and respect you have for them and the comfort you find with them.
While we cannot argue with others on love, the fact remains that overthinking the negative traits and picking out flaws leads you to question the same person you loved. Something similar happened with Radha and Pashupati too as their honeymoon phase ended.
Obviously I gave up. He stopped loving me. The man who had endless love for me started getting violent and was never satisfied. When he gave up and started asking for a divorce, I agreed too…I grew tired.”
Radha Singh Thakuri, 65
For the same question, Pashupati exclaims his sadness about how his mental health and failure to balance the entire family took a toll on him. He lost his hope in their love and thought divorce was the easiest way to gain back his life. Yet it became far from the decision he is proud of.
What after falling out of Love?
Despite almost falling apart, both agreed on a second chance. That it could change their whole life. They decided to have one last conversation for the sake of the love they once had, and the child that prayed for a normal family. She held onto the hope that was grown with the sincere apology that Pashupati showed.
They fought for what they call ‘love’. First, by leaving the court without a divorce, and then once again moving in together. Pashupati showed his efforts to make amends by seeking therapy afterward to help himself and the family. As for Radha, she waited and helped him maintain the healthy boundaries of their relationship while holding his hands during those low moments.
Yet today’s generation claims to have a different perspective on love. To talk on it, we met a GenZ couple soon in the same city, Aayush and Dikshya (both fictional names). I asked them the same, “Have you experienced falling out of love?”
Falling out of Love for the Gen-Z Generation
“We fall out of love constantly. You don’t have to delve deep to that thought!” Dikshya said without a second to think.
She added, “It is just a flicker, as we are two different individuals. There will be things that we both have to compromise with soon. The problem is the fact that people call everything a ‘red flag’ and stop trying. We all are humans after all. People have to realize that two individuals can have separate habits, opinions, and cultures.”
While starting or ending the love is easy, keeping it might not be. And Dikshya expressed it well. The first 6-8 months will be a honeymoon phase for the couple where love will indeed be blind. This place will include attraction, infatuation, and limerence, but love takes time to develop. It comes with your ability to accept the other’s flaws. During these months of beginning a relationship, the couple will explore the idea of love with each other and come to terms with who the person in front of them is, instead of the idea of them. There might not be a 100% match, hence, amendments and communication become crucial.
Neglecting this part, many people today have tales of relationships that failed within months. During an argument, the heat of anger always makes you think they wronged you but will fail to rethink other opinions. Something similar too happened with Aayush and Dikshya, but the fact that they were able to understand these things kept their love intact.
When did I rethink this relationship again?
I remember our first fight as clear as the day. His anger shocked me to the core and made me rethink us. It was just a silly prank, and he got upset over it. I saw his negative side, how angry he could get. I said nothing and left at that moment. It was hurtful because I never thought he could display such an anger and I believed, it was clearly an end.
Dikshya
Aayush sharing his perspective says that he understands that his anger was wrong but he was upset with her not respecting the boundary. He had it clear, jokes and pranks are what he hated the most.
But like Raja and Kanchhi, this story too has no ends. The very next day, Aayush and Dikshya communicated these feelings and apologized. Both agreed that instead of promises, they should try to understand each other and have mutual respect for the choices, despite the absurdity they feel individually. This has kept their trust, respect and love intact to this day.
It is still bosh for Dikshya that the prank could trigger such anger. Yet, she refrains from using pranks on him again, and he too never displayed excessive anger.
What do we forget when falling in love?
A healthy relationship always has boundaries. While Aayush and Dikshya constantly amended themselves within their established boundaries, Mr. and Mrs. Thakuri recognized its necessity . This helps maintain the personal space in a relationship, fostering a healthy bond with your partner or even family.
However, ending the relationship immediately when your partner crosses the boundary is a mistake. It shouldn’t be the immediate response; instead, a reminder helps them adjust slowly.
So is falling out of Love the end of a Relationship?
It is indeed possible to be in love for years and miss the same spark from the early days. This doesn’t mean that the love has completely faded and cannot be revived. Couples, even without a clear reason for falling out of love, often experience this.
To rekindle love, efforts are needed. It could be couple therapy, healthy communication, consistent intimacy, and avoiding taking your partner for granted. It is easy to fall for someone but it can be equally difficult to maintain one knowing the ideal partner might not be the one in front of you.
In the end, you are the one who provokes the destiny of your love which will cost a bit of time, and effort of your own.
I genuinely feel the difference just in the practice of Love we see around. The attachment, trust, loyalty is some where definitely missing over these years. Thank you Monika for highlighting this topic. Loved it
I love how you showed the definition of love being different for different generations. It gave me a new perspective how one should not be giving up on love that quickly. Giving time and space is the key.
Absolutely loved it!!
First of all I would like to thank you and appreciate your writing and I always do
Everyone in this universe is so different and so there thought about love but for me love is self respect , appreciation and kindness ❤️
I love how you covered different generations story. It was a good read, keep it up Monika ji. Waiting for your updates with further interesting stories.
I appreciate how the article seamlessly showcase the relationship dynamics of different generations. Thank you for highlighting both the complexities and possibilities within their narratives.
An insightful read! Good work Ms. Monika