Degrees and Dowries

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Education can have negative consequences. The popular narrative of societal development portrays education as an ever-present symbol of positive change, which provides the groundwork for transformation and enlightenment.

The prevalent notion holds the fact that education empowers individuals to challenge existing norms and encourage societal advancement. In contrast to this widely accepted idea that education eradicates backward customs, the case of dowry shows a grim reality. While exploring this complicated link, it gives a sad reality-check, where education rather than always working as a solution can become a contributing element, affecting the trajectory of development in unforeseen ways.

The series of conversations with individuals from the Madhesi Community unravel a paradoxical reality where degrees and academic qualifications seemed to co-exist with dowry system persistence, instead of eradicating and standing against the malpractice.

Sandhya, a 24-year-old girl pursuing her Master’s degree, is now about to embark on a new chapter in her life: Marriage. Her parents who run a small business have been working tirelessly to provide education for their three daughters. As society starts discussing Sandhya’s marriage, a common fear emerges inside her- the weight of dowry expectations.  She wishes to deviate from this tradition; however, she faces the reality that societal expectations can influence her parents.  She aims to persuade her parents but her true test lies in navigating the external societal forces that would surely sway the parent’s decision, according to her.

She recognizes the importance of compatibility in her life partner and is determined to tie the knot with someone with a similar educational background. But this determination leads her to confront an unpleasant fact in her culture, a better degree often translated into higher dowry expectations.  “I want to finish my degree and pursue a rewarding job and use the income to support my parents during my sister’s marriages.” She affirmed.

Her determination to get married with a similar educational background reveals a larger truth: the higher educational background of both bride and groom can lead to higher dowry expectations. While dowry expectation has traditionally been associated with the groom’s societal position and education status, Sandhya’s pursuit of a higher degree shows an altering paradigm. As she envisions her life with a partner with an equivalent or higher educational background, she unintentionally enters a dimension that leads to higher expectations.

Sambhav and Rachana, a lovely couple configuring to begin the journey of marriage next year, divulged their wedding plans.  Sambhav is an aspiring Chartered Accountant student who works in the banking sector and found his heart match in Rachana, who is pursuing her master’s degree.  Together, they revealed the disguised practices of dowry prevailing in their Madhesi community, especially revolving around the Jewels. 

Typically, the groom’s side has to offer jewels to the bride in the Madhesi Community. However, Sambhav and Rachana revealed a reality in which the bride’s family receives requests for the jewels; the groom’s side cleverly portrays to be the one offering it, and shows as if they are not taking any dowry from the bride. Rachana narrated instances of how some families demand the quantity of gold they want, allegedly for their daughters, only later abscond the entire offerings.

Rachana stated that her family desires to bestow dowry on Sambhav on their own will, and she can’t sway their willingness. However, what distinguishes Sambhav and Rachana is their empathetic approach to the dowry exchange. The pair envisions a future actively contributing to the Rachana family’s financial well-being, and looking to reimburse, and uplift them from the financial burden caused by their marriage.

This forward-thinking strategy demonstrates Sambhav and Rachana’s knowledge of marriage’s larger familial implications. They regard the dowry as a continuous promise to assist and stand for Rachana’s family, rather than a one-time transaction. By sharing economic responsibilities, the pair hopes to build a long-term, mutually beneficial partnership that stretches beyond the bounds of their union.

However, amidst the inspiring story of Sambhav and Rachana, it becomes evident that not everyone is fortunate enough to break free from the clutches of the deeply entrenched dowry tradition. In regions where the practice is deeply ingrained, even couples who dare to choose love over arranged marriages often find themselves succumbing to societal expectations. In these rare cases, where love triumphs, the couples may reluctantly agree to the exchange of dowry, a compromise made under the weight of rooted tradition.

Unfortunately, in these dowry-infested areas, there is an existence of power dynamics which usually result in heartbreaks. When a young couple tries breaking the norm by choosing an “un-arranged” marriage, the young groom, pressured by family expectations and seduced by the prospect of a larger dowry, abandons his sweetheart.

A trend can be witnessed where individuals in prestigious professions, precisely doctors, engineers, and bankers are regarded as more eligible recipients of dowry compared to other professions.

Ayushma, a non-Madhesi girl, was confronted with the unpleasant facts regarding dowry customs among her Madhesi acquaintances. One of her female friends, educated with a bachelor’s degree has been searching for a suitable groom for a year. However, the onerous task remains, getting a spouse’s whole family expectations to align with the dowry standard set by her own family. “I was shocked during my other friend’s wedding, despite both the bride and groom being accomplished engineers, I was astonished to know the substantial dowry demands from the groom’s side”, she expressed.

In disheartening instances, parents happily invest significantly in providing their sons the greatest education, perceiving it as a strategic way to receive more dowries in the future. This burden of schooling their son is justified as an investment, which opens the door for negotiation talks during the marriage. Education has been commoditized in their community. Rather than being recognized for its genuine virtues, it’s being valued in the marriage market.

Mr. Rajaram Thakur, a retired government school teacher shared  “ During the crucial stage of marriage approval, the demand for dowry is not only prevalent but also justified by the groom’s family, who claim educational spending as a basis for demanding financial compensation. “ Additionally, he stated about negative dynamics in the case of females pursuing higher education. The dowry system penalizes educated women as the grooms want bigger dowry for older brides. Consequently, many parents refrain from offering higher education to their daughters for fear of being weighed down by economic burdens.

The aforementioned conversations demonstrate that despite perceiving the dowry system as morally wrong and socially malpractice, the academically well-off people within the Madhesi community still acknowledge its prevalent presence. The insights accumulated highlight a deeply ingrained societal dichotomy, in which education, rather than acting as a mitigating factor, sometimes amplifies the discrepancies between intellectual awareness and deeply ingrained cultural practices.

However, unlike common belief, the dowry practice is not exclusively ingrained in the Madhesi community but rather rooted across various Nepalese communities. This tradition existence is usually influenced by societal dignity, where the bride family’s seeks to guarantee a seamless transition for their daughter into her new home, and the groom’s side aims to display their societal standing.

Even though, the tradition seems to be fading in urban areas, the same cannot be said for the rural communities where there is a continuation of the critical impact of this entrenched practice.  There is, however, a glimmer of optimistic hope for change through the next generation. Because of the obvious shift in attitudes among urban youth, a progressive mindset is projected to take root over time.